Update, October 2023

This is the rambling update post. It feels like there needs to be one, because I’m pretty sure I’m not even remotely the same person (at least, outwardly) that I was three or four years ago, let alone when I used to blog regularly.

A few years ago, I hit a brick wall. (Not literally.) Mentally, physically, energetically. The super TL;DR version of things is that I resigned my job permanently, was diagnosed as autistic alongside my already acknowledged ADHD, anxiety, and depression, and started investigating the possibility of chronic fatigue/myalgic encephalomyelitis (CFS/ME). At this point, we’re down to waiting for one more neurology referral to rule out a few more things, but I’m treating it as if it’s ME because that’s at least a way to handle things and try and understand what’s going on, and it’s not going to hurt anything to try out pacing techniques in the meantime to manage my symptoms.

One piece of good news is, other than occasional weather-related shenanigans, the near-constant migraine headaches I was having when I was working are gone.

The last three years or so have been a blur to me. I’ll probably get more into this later, but all the physical stuff I was dealing with aside, the last 6-8 (10???) years have been a crucible of sorts and the closest I’ve had to a “dark night of the soul”. I’ve been mourning the decline of my physical and mental energy and health, and the loss of the fandom(s) and online spaces that I’d once thrived on. (That’s a long rambling story for later.)

So where am I now? What am I doing, and probably most relevant to you, dear reader, what am I apt to talk about here?

I’m still a Witch. There will be talk about witchcraft and spirituality and tarot and astrology. I’m still a fangirl, an artist, a writer, and a crafter. Those are all topics I’ll be talking about here. I’m thinking about revisiting my X-Files rewatch, talking about the books I’m reading/hoping to read and about NaNoWriMo shenanigans, and discussing fan fiction that I read just like I would books or comics that I enjoy.

I’ve never been interested in Game of Thrones or the A Song of Ice and Fire books because there’s a level of raw violence involved that I don’t enjoy watching characters go through, but I’ve discovered the ASOIAF fandom on YouTube and am thoroughly entranced by it. The depth of meta analysis, discussion, creativity, and enjoyment the creators I’ve found take in it just makes me super happy. As a bonus, I now know enough of the canon to enjoy a lot of the fanfiction without running directly into the stuff that I’d be uncomfortable with.

In a more physical space, I have a garden now (who’d’ve thought it?) and I enjoyed that process this past year. I’m planning on doing it again next year.

I’m also back to exploring Judaism again. I’m not at a point of actively seeking conversion right now, but I can’t ignore how strongly it resonates with me. I still run up against a lot of the anxiety and fear that I felt when I’ve been attacked about exploring it in the past, but I’m tired of letting my anxiety win. And having conversations with several Rabbis and community leaders I’ve connected with who have been nothing but supportive of me in my exploration has helped immensely.

I’ve been dipping back into bullet journaling lately too, mostly as an artistic outlet and an attempt to lure my monkey brain back into planning on a regular basis. I’m just about done with my October set up and will try to post pictures later this week.

In the meantime, what are you into these days? What’s making you happy and inspiring you to create and consume and appreciate?